This Copywriting Mistake Kills Your Emails Before They Start

You're losing readers (and sales) by falling into this trap. Here’s how to fix it + 3 examples to sharpen your writing and keep readers engaged.

Years ago, I was on a group coaching call inside of Copy Chief.

Kevin Rogers (the founder) was reviewing a fellow student’s client proposal, and he made it 2 lines before his feedback:

“Cut out the throat clearing. It makes you sound unsure of yourself and wastes the client’s time.”

Weeks later, we were on a copy review call, and he had the same advice for a different student’s sales email:

“These first few lines? Pointless throat clearing. You’re losing the reader before they get into the meat of the email.”

Ah. Finally! A term for something I noticed in not-so-good copy (including my own, in the past).

“Throat clearing” is unnecessary fluff at the start of a piece of writing that loses your reader’s interest…

Thus losing you sales (or whatever your goal is).

It can be phrases (like “it is important to note that”) or entire sentences.

Regardless, learning to spot and delete throat clearing in your writing will lift engagement and sales without altering the rest of your writing.

Today, you’ll see 3 before/after examples of email intros with and without throat clearing.

You’ll then learn a simple technique to detect and delete throat clearing in your intros to sharpen your writing and keep more readers reading.

Throat Clearing Examples: Before And After

Example 1: An Affiliate Product Email From a Golf Creator

Before

(NOTE: I’m not flaming my client. I invented this throat-clearing here for illustrative purposes.)

Notice how the first three lines have nothing to do with the rest of this part of the email.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the tools golfers use to improve their game.” So what?

“There are so many options out there…” that, too, could be the first line with some tweaks — but

“That’s why I wanted to share something with you today.” JUST SHARE IT.

None of these lines move the reader forward.

This “I’ve been thinking” type of intro can work in some contexts. Such as in a launch or promo announcement.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why most golfers never actually improve despite hours of practice.“

That taps into a customer pain point. Sets you up to transition into a lesson OR announcing a new product.

“I’ve been thinking about tools“ does not.

That aside, those first three lines convey nothing the rest of this email doesn’t handle… and handle better.

After

Now, the email opens with something specific.

It’s the client’s viewpoint without all the useless blabbering about how “I’ve been thinking a lot” and “you have so many options.”

He opens with one of the options and then demonstrating its unnecessity.

This starts to pay off the subject line/preview text by acknowledging the high-tech options whose unnecessity we’re about to demonstrate.

Example 2: A Checklist Style Email From a Supplement Brand

Before

Notice that everything sounds quite AI-ish.

More importantly, what does the “Not, Not, But” sequence add?

The “Not, Not” portion is empty of meaning. It doesn’t add to “Running on fumes” and, actually, weakens it.

The “The errands, commitments…” line conveys the same information more richly.

“But the week adds up” conveys the same point as the email’s first line. Pointless.

After

I cut that AI-sounding “Not dramatically. Not in a way that stops you in your tracks. But the week adds up.”

Also, I deleted the “Hi [FIRST NAME]” because this particular intro flows better without it.

And finally, changed up some of the existing copy to sound less “AI-like.”

Read that intro now.

Gets into what the reader cares about much faster.

It’s also stronger. The “Not, Not” line no longer dilutes the message nor clouds the reader’s internal monologue.

Heck…

You may be able to trim everything between the first line and “The weekend…” and it would still work.

Less ability to twist the knife, but it would not rip out essential pieces of the email.

Example 3: A Story Email From Yours Truly

Before

The throat-clearing here isn’t AI-sounding filler like in the first two examples.

Instead, it’s a reasonable attempt at setting up a story.

It attempts to build tension.

But starting with “I want to tell you a story” is useless. Just tell the story. You don’t need to tell them you want to.

That only works as a comedic or dramatic element in certain media.

If you axe that first line, the second line becomes even less helpful than it was previously.

Both those lines together kill any tension you’d hope to build by the time you reach the “dialogue” portion.

Said dialogue confirms what they were told rather than gut-punching them and leaving them eager for context.

Now, one could argue for line 3’s existence.

“I was checking the stats on one of my recent Substack livestreams, when something caught my eye:” does indeed get right into the story.

It would work.

It’s less of a pure “throat-clearing” line.

But cutting it lets you start IN the dialogue.

Starting in the dialogue creates that tension you want AND, as mentioned, leaves them hungry to find out what’s going on…

After

Now, we start in media res (in the middle of things) by opening with a line of dialogue.

The reader feels compelled to keep reading to figure out what’s going on and what story led to this point.

Notice I also deleted my usual “Hi [FIRSTNAME]” as that, too, would ruin the flow straight into dialogue.

It would read weird.

It can feel uncomfortable, at first, to open with dialogue. It’s abrupt. Feels like you need to give context so the reader doesn’t get lost.

But the reader doesn’t need easing in…

They need a reason to keep reading.

Dialogue does that, while setup lines kill that.

Opening with dialogue is why this email was among my highest-engagement sends the past few weeks.

How to Cut Throat Clearing

Read the full email. Then, do it again, but starting from line 3 or 4.

Does it make at least as much sense from that point? Does it still flow well? Is it self-contained without lacking any vital context?

If yes, delete the lines you skipped. Whatever line you landed on is now your opening.

Reading aloud helps here. Throat clearing tends to sound hollow when spoken.

It’s vague and meandering, like someone killing time or apologizing for bugging you before getting to the point.

Your ear catches what your eye misses.

By the way…

If it sounds “just as good” without the first few lines, it’s actually better, inherently, than with those lines.

A good analogy to help you understand:

Say you weigh 160lbs and can lift 300lbs. You lose 10lbs, putting you at 150lb, but lift that same 300lb.

You “trimmed the fat” and are “just as strong,” but are, in a sense, actually stronger.

Similarly, the lines were taking up space in the email’s most valuable real estate. They were costing you readers by wasting their time and distracting them.

Sharpen Your Emails, Convert More Readers

The hardest part about throat clearing is training yourself to see it in and cut it out of your own writing.

Everything you write will feel like it’s “needed” and it’s hard to delete that stuff if you’re not on the outside looking in.

It will sharpen your writing, though. You’ll notice more engagement as you improve at spotting and cutting throat clearing.

Run the throat-clearing test on your next email.

Jump to line 3 or 4, read it through, and ask yourself honestly whether anything was lost. If the answer is no, cut it.

Your readers will get to the good stuff faster. And faster is better.

As you improve your writing skills, you’ll better understand what throat clearing is vs. what fits in an intro (like my “thinking about tools” golf example from earlier).

If you found this useful, share it with a fellow email writer who could use the reminder.

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As a thank-you, you’ll get a copy of my free eBook that teaches you how to add 10-15% revenue to your business with email sequences.

One more thing…

If you have an email you think might be guilty of this, reply and send it over. Happy to take a look and let you know what I’d cut.

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